Distance, Number 1

Jason

We moved to Et C 2 from Jupiter Prime shortly after my fifteenth birthday. It was not a decision I’d had any say in. My parents had just come home from work one day and announced it, as if they were announcing dinner plans, or something. As usual, I didn’t rate an opinion.

I had lived my whole life on Prime—or as near as I could remember, anyway—and moving to some rock 20 light years away wasn’t high on my list of things to do. I’d been on other rocks before—Europa, Ganymede, Earth even, once—and I didn’t like it. Earth especially. So damned bright, and everything so heavy . . . . And the air . . . I just could not get used to the smell of it. No, I was a station kid, and I never wanted to leave.

We argued that night. I mean, we’d had some fights before, but that night . . . . I’d have run away, but on a space station, where’re you going to run to? Best I could do was smash a lamp, tell them both to fuck off, and storm out.

Not that it did any good. I mean, it never did any good. They did whatever the hell they wanted to, and I was left to make what I could of it.

Well, I didn’t help them pack. I spent most of those two weeks in the twilight of the observation deck, leaning over a railing, staring out at that beautiful orange disc. Jupiter . . . I don’t think there is anything more beautiful in the universe. Subtle shades of orange and beige, glowing softly in the dim light of the Sun, eddying and spinning and twisting into and over each other, dancing slowly back and forth over months; and a glittering fabric of stars behind. And when the light and the station’s orbit are just right, there’s the faintest shimmer of a ring around the equator. It seems I’d spent most of my life on that deck, sometimes with a telescope, sometimes with a book; always with a lot of time on my hands.

Those two weeks went by way too fast, and it was all I could do to burn the image of that sky into my mind, so that I’d have something to cling to when even Sol itself was just a tiny speck in the night. Before I knew it, I was standing on the jump shuttle platform beside the shipping crate that held all our stuff. The whole of the station staff had turned out to see Mom and Dad off. Probably couldn’t wait to call dibs on their offices. But Mom and Dad were happily chatting everyone up. And I couldn’t think of anything better to do than just stand there and wait.

The shuttle ride to the jump gate took only a few hours. Mom and Dad spent the time absorbed with each other, as usual. I ignored them, and went to the back to watch Jupiter—my home—slip further and further into the black expanse, until it was just a bright light in the night.

35 Responses to “Distance, Number 1”

  1. Nisp says:

    courage . . . and if anyone’s artwork can inspire it, gail’s probably will ;)

  2. Distance is about growing up, making friends, crushes, high school.  Trust me, courage is required.  :-P

  3. lethe says:

    There are some beautiful lines in this post.  In particular, I like

    “in the twilight of the observation deck”

    “Subtle shades of orange and beige, glowing softly in the dim light of the Sun, eddying and spinning and twisting into and over each other, dancing slowly back and forth over months; and a glittering fabric of stars behind.”

    Very good with atmosphere here.  I get a sense of the pulsing stars in the background.

  4. lethe says:

    You’re right, Chris, I like distance much better.  I think it’s because I can enter it more easily than WR.  I don’t know why but, to me, the edges are more rounded.  I’m not one for Sci Fi but you portray a very human side to the story.

  5. lethe says:

    Meticulous attention to detail here.  Gestures and dialogue realistic.  It works!

  6. lethe says:

    well, i agree with the others.  Distance is not something to toss off.  Build upon it.  But come back with a clearer focus perhaps.  You set up the story marvelously, mother, father, son, sort of family vacation narrative in the scifi genre. Now what will be the main character’s main dilemma.  I think that is the question.  Then you will be able to recast the whole story around that theme.  Right now you have a lot of elements, a lot to juggle, and you’re doing a great job setting things up—but the dialogue doesn’t hold my attention enough yet.  Here’s an idea you might want to try  . . . write the ending first and work backwards.  Figure out what’s going to happen on this planet and what you’re main character will ultimately be faced with and create those final scenes.  Then work back.  Just an idea.  Keep up the excellent work.

  7. It’s funny — I thought you’d probably like this monologue.  I do, as well, but I’m pretty sure it needs to be cut.  :-(  It’s not very involving.  I mean, it sets up the story really nicely, but it is vastly different in tone and flow from what follows, and it’s all backstory and exposition.  Well, I suppose it sets up the voice.  Still, it feels off to me.  One of the many decisions I’ll have to make as I pick this story up again . . . .

  8. The style is much more conversational, I think.  The past tense is also more relaxed than present — implies time for reflection.  Means the narrative can be more “composed”, in a way.  That’s probably what you are noticing.

  9. That’s an interesting idea.  I kind of had toyed with the idea before, but couldn’t pick an ending.  Perhaps it is time I do so, and see what happens.  :-)

    Thanks, as always, for taking the time to comment!

  10. lethe says:

    If you write the ending, I’ll read it!  I’m looking forward to seeing what comes of this . . . 

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