Comments on: Distance, Number 1 http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/ by Chris Poirier Fri, 25 Nov 2011 04:54:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.9.1 By: Lee http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-4/#comment-119 Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:31:05 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-119 Yes, work on it. It reads well. There’s a good setup and a good sense of the characters, though I think you need to develop them, make them a little less typical.

]]> By: Lee http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-4/#comment-118 Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:22:17 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-118 Not sure about those lines, Lethe. Yes, good atmosphere, but voice?

]]> By: Catherine http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-4/#comment-117 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:49:25 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-117 that’s fantastic news!

]]> By: Chris Poirier http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-4/#comment-116 Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:36:18 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-116 The good news is I finally have a plot for it.  I probably won’t be starting it until Winter Rain is finished, but I think I actually will be starting it.  :-)

]]> By: Catherine http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-4/#comment-115 Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:53:15 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-115 When I got to ‘afterword’ portion of this page, my first thoughts were ‘Nooooo. need Mooooreeee!!’

It’s a good start, chapter 1, and well.. I’m really looking forward to the rest of the story!

]]> By: lethe http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-3/#comment-114 Sun, 26 Oct 2008 22:20:38 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-114 If you write the ending, I’ll read it!  I’m looking forward to seeing what comes of this . . . 

]]> By: Chris Poirier http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-3/#comment-113 Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:46:13 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-113 That’s an interesting idea.  I kind of had toyed with the idea before, but couldn’t pick an ending.  Perhaps it is time I do so, and see what happens.  :-)

Thanks, as always, for taking the time to comment!

]]> By: Chris Poirier http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-3/#comment-112 Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:29:35 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-112 The style is much more conversational, I think.  The past tense is also more relaxed than present — implies time for reflection.  Means the narrative can be more “composed”, in a way.  That’s probably what you are noticing.

]]> By: Chris Poirier http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-3/#comment-111 Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:02:42 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-111 It’s funny — I thought you’d probably like this monologue.  I do, as well, but I’m pretty sure it needs to be cut.  :-(  It’s not very involving.  I mean, it sets up the story really nicely, but it is vastly different in tone and flow from what follows, and it’s all backstory and exposition.  Well, I suppose it sets up the voice.  Still, it feels off to me.  One of the many decisions I’ll have to make as I pick this story up again . . . .

]]> By: lethe http://couragemyfriend.org/fiction/distance/number-1/comment-page-3/#comment-110 Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:50:26 +0000 http://fiction.courage-my-friend.org/?p=30#comment-110 well, i agree with the others.  Distance is not something to toss off.  Build upon it.  But come back with a clearer focus perhaps.  You set up the story marvelously, mother, father, son, sort of family vacation narrative in the scifi genre. Now what will be the main character’s main dilemma.  I think that is the question.  Then you will be able to recast the whole story around that theme.  Right now you have a lot of elements, a lot to juggle, and you’re doing a great job setting things up—but the dialogue doesn’t hold my attention enough yet.  Here’s an idea you might want to try  . . . write the ending first and work backwards.  Figure out what’s going to happen on this planet and what you’re main character will ultimately be faced with and create those final scenes.  Then work back.  Just an idea.  Keep up the excellent work.

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