Example:

“Behind me, Brennan has Brawler pinned against his car, but Declan is making a nuisance of himself.  Brennan sends his leg back and knocks Declan back against his door, using Brawler as a counterweight, but Top-heavy is racing back around the front of the car to join the fray.”

And that’s a particular relevant example when you consider it begins “Behind me, Brennan . . . “

If Brennan is behind, there’s no way Tiergan should know what’s going on back there.

For me, that’s the one small “problem” with this fight scene. When you said you felt like you didn’t have enough of Tiergan, I think maybe it’s because you’ve gone to lengths to describe the battle in detail, instead of only giving it to us through Tiergan’s eyes. 

First person narration is tricky because it can be so easy to slip into that omniscient place of knowing everything – because as a writer, you do.  But with a first person narrator, that’s an error.  Tiergan is limited to what he sees, what he feels, what he thinks, what he hears, and what he smells.  And while he’s in the midst of his own fight, he likely isn’t able to pay much attention to the exact details of what’s happening nearby.

(Now, you could write it into the narrative that as a werewolf, Tiergan has heightened senses and does know more than he should. Even in human form. But I don’t feel like this was a deliberate choice on your part in this chapter.)

‘She leaps it in a third, banks back in, and tears off toward the main road, only her bouncing tail visible above the wall.

It all seems to happen in slow motion, but suddenly time catches up as Declan yells, “Forget them!  She’s getting away!” ‘

I think I would have preferred you not say ‘It all happens on slow motion’ But just have a physical pause in writing like:

She leaps it in a third, banks back in, and tears off toward the main road, only her bouncing tail visible above the wall . . . 

 . . . Suddenly time catches up as Declan yells, “Forget them!  She’s getting away!”

What do you think?

BTW . . . Are you related to Tiergan? Are you writing about family??  saw your pics..WOW

Um, Chris.  You do realize you’re too old to be like, doing up-close-and-personal research into new werewolf fighting techniques?  Tendon rippage is just, not a good thing at all.

wrt the fight scene – adding thoughts and feelings in here would only slow the action down. not a good thing. i like it just the way it is. ditto instinct vs intellect.

lmao @ your visual aids

What, the pictures weren’t entertaining enough for you? 

Thanks for the feedback on the fight scene.  I got to tell you . . . .  Usually, I work the fight scenes out by doing them, jumping back and forth between roles, then describing what happened.  As you can imagine, that proved a little difficult, this time, with the ankle.  So I have to thank Linda, my partner, for letting me pose her in all sorts of awkward positions and throw her around the apartment on Tuesday. 

Chris.